More Than a Feeling

tomorrow morning i'm going to boston, mass. i have that interview thing on friday. and i've already f*cked it all up. according to my track record, whenever i get excited about a job and have a good feeling about it - and worse yet, when others tell me they have a good feeling about it - it all goes to shit. now, maybe that's just the natural, jaded pessimist in me and i'm choosing to believe that this interview will go the way of the buffalo like all the others.

i'm sad that i will miss the snow and ice that we might get here tomorrow night. and it's supposed to be sixty degrees and rainy in boston. seriously...

i've put together one hell of a playlist for my iPod for the plane ride. i really think i've outdone myself on this one. here's a sample list: regina spektor, martin sexton, bob dylan, blu sanders, dan dyer, the format, simon & garfunkel, modest mouse, eastmountainsouth, the arcade fire, cat stevens, coldplay, the shins, and the obligatory ryan, joe, and damien.

i find that the ricola sugar free lemon mint cough drops taste a bit like herbal tea. they are quite refreshing and effective at supressing my consumption-induced hacking.

i finished reading that mitch albom book, 'the five people you meet in heaven' this week. i wanted to shoot myself. even moreso than when i read 'catcher in the rye.' not because they are bad books or poorly written (though albom is certainly no Salinger), but because i really felt hopeless after reading them. i guess they worked.

i wonder if i'll have to take a drug test friday...

We could make babies and accidental songs...

damien rice is pure. raw energy and emotion that leave your head awhirl. anyone who's ever had a broken heart and/or a hope for love to come can find relation in his lyrics. for me, they border on biographical. i'm not sure that is a good thing, but it feels good. he is one of those rare writers whose song makes you remember who you are and what you've felt and what all that means to you now. and if you really get it, you cry. you laugh. you smile. you grow. and you hope.

if you pick up a copy of his latest, "9," be sure to check out these tracks: elephant, rootless tree, accidental babies, and rat within the grain. dogs is a good change of pace after those.

soon i will know if my holding out will pay off. i' m going to interview at emmanuel college in two weeks. it could be a bust. or it could be the single biggest thing to ever happen to me. either way, i'll be moving on to the next phase come january. i mean that figuratively and literally. if i don't get this job, i'm getting out of here. where? i hear portland is nice...

i find that if i've got something to occupy my time, then smoking isn't hard not to do. when i'm at work, or talking to certain people, i forget all about it. i think it's gonna be easier than i thought. but still tougher than kicking smack.

i've never done heroin, just to clarify. that's just what i've heard.

i think i'll chronicle quitting here in this blog. that'll help. but then i'll have to post everyday to talk about what's happened, and why i need a cigarette, and what it was like not having one. all my loyal readers will be busy checking up on my progress every day.

i like the cold coming back. i miss scarves. girls with scarves and cute hats are probably one of my favorite things about winter time. but mostly, the scarves.

i have no date for this wedding thing this weekend. i think i already mentioned that, but i wanted to talk about it again because even my fall back, my little sister, said no. please get a good chuckle out of it.

seriously, damien. get outta my head.

Amie, Come Sit on My Wall

Have you ever noticed how many songs have been written about amy? apparently she spells her name differently depending on who is writing about her. But seriously... pure prairie league, damien rice, and countless others have found something worth writing about in this girl. i can't wait to meet her. could inspire my big hit.

i had a dream that i went on the road playing bass for joe purdy. i think my mild obsession might be going too far.

big day tomorrow. i'm taking the aforementioned wig off. that's right. haircut time. no telling what i might do. but it's the most exciting thing to happen to me since finding a new pair of pants (for work) that i actually like.

my friend john is getting married this weekend. i'm a groomsman. fifth wedding to date that i've been in. a bit depressing, seeing all my friends getting married. especially this one. i thought surely i'd beat him to the punch. he called me today to ask if i was bringing a date. yeah, sure. should be a fun reception, though. even if there is only champagne. good thing i bought that flask and fifth of dewar's.

i still haven't gone camping. but i will. before christmas. i swear.

haven't quit smoking yet, either. but i did buy some marlboro 72's. they're half-sized cigarettes. so i'm at least kind of cutting back.

if i move to boston, i am going to learn how to sail. or at least go out on a sailboat. i might also learn to ski. i've never been skiing before. "skiing" looks so weird with those two "i"s right next to each other. that's always bothered me.

i have this stevie wonder song in my head. "i believe (when i fall in love it will be forever)." can't shake it. it's a good song. even on the high fidelity soundtrack. i think i can relate.

i just remembered damien rice's new album comes out tuesday. yes!

On the Balcony...

My interview yesterday went well. forty minutes of wowing them with charm and intellect. it was quite exhausting, actually. i'm thinking it might happen. i'm also thinking i don't want it to.

have you voted today? i have. it was exhilarating. i suggest everyone try it at least once every two years.

i shaved my beard and i'm not happy about it. please don't say anything to me about it. i'll probably cry.

and i hate my hair right now. it's getting curly along the sides and it looks like one of those colonial white powder wigs. very 1778.

i've just been told that i look like a cherub with my big hair and smooth face. f*ck you, cody.

i'm feeling sickly. and so are my roommates. great. blair, how many infectious diseases are you carrying?

kidding.

time to watch the election returns. go dems!

I'd Like To Know Where the Riverboat Sails Tonight

my second phone interview with emmanuel is on my birthday. here's to hoping that's a good thing.

i have decided to write more. the opening for the muse position is now closed. it hasn't been filled yet, but i've got some pretty good candidates lined up for interviews. i'm already inspired and have finished one and a half songs.

i think this smoking thing has finally run it's course. it's getting old. i feel like it has been dictating too much of what i do. i've felt like this before, and couldn't kick it. but there's something different this time around.

larry you owe me a lunch. you know it and i know it, so you might as well own up. and leave a damn comment this time. skank.

joe purdy might be my next big thing. the next ryan adams for me. that's a huge statement. i don't think you even have any idea how huge. i don't think i know exactly how huge it is yet, either. i can find only one song of his with which i take issue. green eyes are definitely not better than blue. cary brothers would attest to that. but it's a sweet song. and i haven't heard anything yet that hits me like "come pick me up." so ryan's still safe there.

i just helped my old preschool teacher unload a trailer full of arts and crafts for dazzle daze. apparently it's a huge fair to raise money for the women's center here in conway or something like that. and this woman drove all the way from fort smith. and then she gave me forty bucks. i tried to turn it down, but you can't disobey your preschool teacher. besides, she had a lot of shit.

and i got grease on my pants and cut my finger on a broken christmas tree ornament. and i still feel guilty for taking her money.

if i could choose between meeting george bush or being mitch hedberg, i'd meet george bush. this was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, i'd like to meet the leader of the free world. and mitch hedberg is dead.

i mean no disrespect to mitch. he was a genius and is sorely missed. if you've never heard of him, check him out.

from this day on, i wear my father's gun.