You Can Tell Boston...or Nashville, or Nacogdoches

i have been offered another interview for that gig in boston. i was thrilled to hear the news. then i started thinking. which is always counterproductive for me...

i've just been reminded of a few things here at home that would be so incredibly hard to leave. so hard, in fact, that i'm not sure i could do it. so many avenues left untravelled, opportunities squandered, and dreams unrealized. so many people and things i haven't known yet that i could possibly grow to love more than anyone or anything else, and thus miss more than anyone or anything else. i have come to see that the choices we face in life cannot be made as easily as i once believed. i've always championed the "follow your heart" and "do what makes you happy" mantras. now, as i sit on the brink of a new life - a life i once desired - i don't know if what my heart wants is really what it wants. how can it know? i haven't tried for everything here that i've always wanted. sure, maybe i'll find it in boston, but what if it's sitting right in front of me right now, and all i have to do is reach for it?

i've always been a staunch monogamist. there should always, or at least eventually, be one, and i stress one (otherwise it's not special), person in your life that knows everything about you. a person that knows your faults and fears, that wants to be there to share your failures as well as your triumphs. a person you want to talk to before anyone else at the end of the day. a person who reads you as easily as the sunday comics, and still finds you to be the most compelling read. the only person you want to cry in front of, because you know they can make it all better. the person you need, and the person you need to need you. this is my fear - that upon leaving for a new life in a new place where i know not a soul, i will end up needing her more than ever, and i don't even have her. i don't even know who she is.

apparently my blog has become an outpouring of emotion rather than my usual witty banter. so sorry about it. not really.

my brother and i played guitars together for about an hour today. i started playing a new thing i've come up with, and he was helping me with a melody. then it turned into a fifteen minute blues jam. it makes me realize that my chances of becoming a legitimate musician might not be as far-fetched as i thought. yes, they are. but it's afternoons like this that lead me to feel like i feel right now. so many things to miss, so many more not even to try.

i bought the newest joe purdy album. it's just about fantastic. i'll probably buy a t-shirt this weekend. and a shot. for joe. he's an arkansas boy, you know.

how about, i just spell-checked this thing, on BLOGGER.com, and the program didn't recognize the word "blog."

Just Can't Seem to Get It Right Today

it's official. cary brothers and joe purdy. on beale. i will be there. see my previous post and check them out.

who am i kidding? nobody reads this.

i broke my toe today. it's true. i was walking out of the bathroom after my morning shower, preparing to get dressed for work when i caught the edge of the door with my right pinky toe. since i was alone in the house, i screamed multiple profanities and spun around, landing on my back on the bed and rolled onto the floor. not a good way to start the day. and you should see my toe. it's varying shades of purple and blue, and it kind of looks like that urban camoflauge, with specks of black and some spot free of discoloration.

blair, you saw it. you said it was broken without even looking at it. it sounded broken just by the way i was walking, didn't it?

i have decided that, given the right muse, i could be a skillful songsmith just like the aforementioned artists. i'll be conducting interviews for this new position (officially titled "The Inspiration for Colin to Follow His Unrealistic and Unattainable Dreams") by telephone beginning 6 November. Please send resume, letter of interest, and at least three references to my comments section. Must be willing to relocate, love dogs, Chinese food, and beer, and have superb musical taste. Must also be able to support me financially, as i will be the struggling musician type for at least six months. i'm pretty sure i can break out big-time by then.

this post is becoming tiresome. i will leave you with this.

Typical Situation

CAUTION: excessive horn-tooting ahead.

It is not lost on me that i tend to be a very able counselor. for years, those closest to me have come to me with their worries, anxieties, and problems in general. most of the advice that is sought of me deals with relationships. after all, my friends, like me, are young and learning what it means to care for another on such a level that they place that other's feelings ahead of their own. selflessness, it's called. even love, in some instances. what i don't get is why such guidance is sought from me. suffice it to say that my experiences do not qualify my words as a legitimate authority on such matters. even more astounding is who comes to me when they need help. but that is a story for another day.

on a more serious note...

i really like pumpkin pie. but not with cool-whip. i prefer it cool-whipless.

i'm still wanting to see cary brothers and joe purdy in memphis on nov. 5. my birthday is the next day. anyone wanna take me?

i have a beard. it's not a very good one, but i'm proud of it just the same.

still no word on that boston gig. hoping to hear something this week. if i don't, i'm joining the peace corps. or moving back home. either one would be a life-changing experience.

i have some of the most amazing friends in the world. no, really. i do. everyone should know them. i'll share.

i need an ear. possibly a shoulder. i'll know about the shoulder once i have the ear.

Something Clever

i just saw the chicago bears pull off an amazing come-from-behind win over the arizona cardinals. i wish i could say that it must suck to be matt leinart, but it probably doesn't.

i must wear yet another pair of charcoal slacks to work tomorrow. why is that? why must i always wear gray or black slacks? because i don't own any brown socks. plenty of khaki and brown slacks, even some brown and cordovan shoes and belts. just, no socks. i guess i should hit up t.j. maxx soon.

it's official. camping this weekend. taking off early on friday and everything. at least, that's what i say now.

i have this sneaking suspicion that my shrimp scampi is going to come back up before the night is over. maybe it's a psychological thing, because i watched an episode of gilmore girls today in which lorelai fakes sickness and blames it on shrimp. but she had gin martinis to settle her stomach. i had milk and cookies.

why does it look like "suspicion" is misspelled? it's not. i know it's not. i even looked it up on dictionary.com. i had to look up "misspelled" too.

heard the killers new album sucked. not surprised. "all these things that i've done" was the best song on hot fuss. the rest was just ok.

ryan adams. go to the website. do it now! if you don't laugh, then your ass is puckered way too tight. i won't spoil it for you. just go. and listen to the whole song (WARNING: keep the volume low if you're in public or your mom's around).

I'm a Real Boy

the camping trip didn't materialize last night. hopefully, i will build my fire tonight, and there will be much rejoicing. either that, or i'll be guilt-tripped into going out in LR for some friends' birthdays. just kidding. of course i want to go see them (around a campfire in the woods).

sometimes i don't feel like a person. sometimes i feel like an inanimate. like a sock or the tv remote. something vital that is taken for granted. i'm not really taken for granted, though.

my phone interview went well. i should be offered a trip to boston within the week for an on-campus interview. i'll take this job! i swear to god, i'll take this job!

did that sound like a threat? that is what i was going for.

this post has turned into a pity party. so sorry about it.

alison, i am so sorry. hope you enjoy the dancing today, and you should come see us whether we go camping or go drinking with mr. belding. i promise, he'll be there and ask you what color panties you're wearing.

can you say "panties" without laughing? i know i can't.

I'll Stop Loving Her Someday

I got a new t-shirt today. it's from moosejaw. they are awesome. it was free, just because i answered some email thing i got. but it's white. and long sleeved. i'm not into white t-shirts. but it was free. go check them out right now.

i haven't picked up my gutiar in a while. tonight i learned two new songs. "behind closed doors" by charlie rich and "he stopped loving her today" by george jones. i want that last one played at my funeral. yes, i know, i'm going to die alone and sad. but when they play that song at the service, everyone will wonder who "she" was. it'll be great. sadly, "she" won't exist. it'll just be one more little joke i can get in from the beyond. i can't wait!

i'm interviewing for a job in boston. i haven't told anyone yet. my fam will freak if i get it and decide to take it. it's best not to think of these things right now.

"i still miss someone" by johnny cash. that'll be another one for the funeral.

apparently i'm on a classic country kick. i like the stuff. get over it.

the low friday night is 40 degrees! i'm going camping. even if it means i have to sleep in the backyard. i'm not too good.

i still miss someone.

North Korea Uber Alles

yeah. everyone's favorite crazy-ass dictator, kim jong-il, has just tested a nuclear weapon ("nucular" to those of you with the grammatical prowess of G.W.). so, is the world getting closer to ending? between north korea, iran, and the quagmire that has come to being in the Fertile Crescent...Jeb says we have three years. tops.

Most of you don't know Jeb and that's probably never going to change. between World of Warcraft (online) and the actual World of Warcraft he's in right now, he's a pretty busy captain.

this post has become too deep. let me update with random quips about things sure to evoke a yawn right in the middle of your red bull/coffee.

i still smoke. except for this week, when i think i had strep throat. but i'm back at it now.

i still don't have a (full-time) real job. i've applied for some, but i won't get them. i'm not jaded at all.

i am single.

i can't stop listening to ryan adams.

i am old. my younger sister just turned 19 and had a birthday cookout at my house this weekend for some of her friends. What kind of a man wouldn't want a dozen gorgeous college freshmen at his house while he cooked for them and played music? that's got to be close to every straight man's dream, right? WRONG. i am old.

now that the weather is cool, i am going camping more.

if i don't have a job by december, i am going back to school for my Ph.D. i know some people aren't fond of the state of missouri, but mizzou has one of the best counseling psychology programs in the nation. which is good, because if i have to go back to school because i can't find a job, i'll need all the counseling i can get.

i am thinking about going to see cary brothers next month. i think he's going to be in tennessee somewhere.

this was not a very good post. sorry about it. please go (re)read my other ones because they're much funnier.