You Can Tell Boston...or Nashville, or Nacogdoches

i have been offered another interview for that gig in boston. i was thrilled to hear the news. then i started thinking. which is always counterproductive for me...

i've just been reminded of a few things here at home that would be so incredibly hard to leave. so hard, in fact, that i'm not sure i could do it. so many avenues left untravelled, opportunities squandered, and dreams unrealized. so many people and things i haven't known yet that i could possibly grow to love more than anyone or anything else, and thus miss more than anyone or anything else. i have come to see that the choices we face in life cannot be made as easily as i once believed. i've always championed the "follow your heart" and "do what makes you happy" mantras. now, as i sit on the brink of a new life - a life i once desired - i don't know if what my heart wants is really what it wants. how can it know? i haven't tried for everything here that i've always wanted. sure, maybe i'll find it in boston, but what if it's sitting right in front of me right now, and all i have to do is reach for it?

i've always been a staunch monogamist. there should always, or at least eventually, be one, and i stress one (otherwise it's not special), person in your life that knows everything about you. a person that knows your faults and fears, that wants to be there to share your failures as well as your triumphs. a person you want to talk to before anyone else at the end of the day. a person who reads you as easily as the sunday comics, and still finds you to be the most compelling read. the only person you want to cry in front of, because you know they can make it all better. the person you need, and the person you need to need you. this is my fear - that upon leaving for a new life in a new place where i know not a soul, i will end up needing her more than ever, and i don't even have her. i don't even know who she is.

apparently my blog has become an outpouring of emotion rather than my usual witty banter. so sorry about it. not really.

my brother and i played guitars together for about an hour today. i started playing a new thing i've come up with, and he was helping me with a melody. then it turned into a fifteen minute blues jam. it makes me realize that my chances of becoming a legitimate musician might not be as far-fetched as i thought. yes, they are. but it's afternoons like this that lead me to feel like i feel right now. so many things to miss, so many more not even to try.

i bought the newest joe purdy album. it's just about fantastic. i'll probably buy a t-shirt this weekend. and a shot. for joe. he's an arkansas boy, you know.

how about, i just spell-checked this thing, on BLOGGER.com, and the program didn't recognize the word "blog."